Q: My longtime boyfriend and I are talking marriage and kids, both of which we really want. But I worry a little bit about our children because we're a mixed-race couple.
I'm white, he's Chinese-American, and we have very different families and backgrounds. As we move toward having a family, should we try to hammer out some ground rules now -- how we'll celebrate holidays, handle education, etc. -- or just take things as they come?
Steve: Absolutely, you should talk now. By the way, this goes for ANY couple, even if you're the same race, religion, etc. What holiday is spent with which in-laws? Whose religious views prevail with the kids? What approach to take with their education? All this and much more must be resolved before marriage.
Mia: The more discussion you have up front the better. And I don't think differences mean you can't happily raise kids together. I bet your priorities about the kind of values you want to raise a family with, and the kind of domestic life you crave, are much the same. It's holidays and religion that make people crazy. Try to hammer out as much as you can now.
NOTE: We were recently asked how a supervisor should handle a woman in her 40s who dressed provocatively at work. One reader asked if we would have given the same advice -- ask her kindly to tone it down -- if the woman were in her 20s.
Mia: For the record, yes, I would say the same thing. Skimpy clothing isn't right for the office, whatever your age. Also, for younger women, I would say that you really are stacking the odds against yourself by not dressing professionally. You want to be taken seriously, not talked about behind your back. You can be cute and classy, I swear.
Steve: While I personally have no objection to women in their 20s wearing skimpy clothes, I am forced to admit that the workplace is no place for showing off -- unless your workplace is the Bada Bing. And this applies to guys, too, although I've yet to see one show up at my workplace in a muscle shirt and tight jeans. We've got too many nerds here, I guess.
PREVIOUS
